The Ether: Basic B%tch Politicians

Shout out to all of the “Basic B%tch Politicians”.

The Republican debates are coming up.  This will officially kick-off the media circus for both parties that will take us all the way to November next year. Looking at the line up on both sides I have to admit, with a couple exceptions, everyone pretty much looks and sounds the same…literally.  After you read this, and as you watch the camera pan out on Thursday, maybe the following will cross your mind; “That’s a basic B%tch politician right there.”

What makes a Politician a “Basic B%tch” politician?

First, let’s look to Urban Dictionary and see what a Basic B%tch is in the first place.

“Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their gender without even realizing it. She engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes. She is tragically/laughably unaware of her utter lack of specialness and intrigue. She believers herself to be unique, fly, amazing, and a complete catch, when really she is boring, painfully normal, and par. She believes her experiences to be crazy, wild, and different or somehow more special than everything that everybody else is doing, when really, almost everyone is doing or has done the exact same thing. She is typical and a dime a dozen. There are many subtypes of basicness, such as the basic ratchet, the basic sorority B%tch, the basic groupie B%tch, the basic I’m-so-Carrie-from-Sex-and-the-City B%tch, etc, but ultimately, they all share the common thread of being expendable and unnoteworthy and, in some cases, having absolutely no redeeming qualities.”

Example of a Basic B%tch Quote from Urban Dictionary:

“I’ve gotta get to Hollister and Bath and Body works for the third time this week, they just announced a new sale! I just don’t know how I’ll ever fit in that mani-pedi with Amanda and Brittney today. Ugh, I’m just going to call in sick with my period. I need a Pumpkin Spice latte or a Cosmo right now, I can’t handle this pressure. Can we go to Applebee’s for dinner tonight? …Ooh, the new Shia Labeouf movie! LOVE HIM!” – basic B%tch inner monologue

Now let’s replace some of this with some typical Basic B%tch Politician situations and attributes:

Someone who is unflinchingly upholding of the status quo and stereotypes of their office or party without even realizing it. S/he engages in typical, unoriginal behaviors, modes of dress, speech, and likes. S/he is tragically/laughably unaware of her/his utter lack of specialness and intrigue. S/he believers herself to be unique, “bold”, amazing, and a complete catch, when really s/he is boring, painfully normal, and par. S/he believes her/his ideas and policies to be crazy, wild, and different or somehow more special than everything that everybody else is doing, when really, almost everyone is doing or has done the exact same thing. S/he is typical and a dime a dozen. There are many subtypes of basicness, such as the basic wall street hack, the basic elitist/activist B%tch, the basic corporate welfare B%tch, the basic “I’m-so-like-Ronald-Reagan-or-FDR B%tch”, etc, but ultimately, they all share the common thread of being expendable and unnoteworthy and, in some cases, having absolutely no redeeming qualities.

And here’s something they would say:

“We’ve gotta try to pass this bill for the third time this year, we need to save the country!  I just don’t know how I’ll ever fit in that pork amendment with Pelosi and Boehnor today. Ugh, I’m just going to “no vote” till we get it, everyone else does it.  I need a Pumpkin Spice latte or a Cosmo right now, I can’t handle this pressure. Can we go to Applebee’s for dinner tonight? …Ooh, the new Shia Labeouf movie! LOVE HIM!” – Basic B%tch Politician Inner Monologue

See how there weren’t that many changes to that?

Next time you listen to the debates watch out for these things. Here’s a hint: Just about everyone looks and acts, and talks the same way, yes, even Bernie. Maybe that’s why people have been flocking to the candidates that don’t sound like everyone else. I’ll come up with some more examples later.

P.S. The font I use doesn’t have an asterisk.  Hence the percentage symbol in the picture…. I would have had a crazy amount of OCD if I didn’t have continuity on my own website. Kappa.

About Zak Cantu (42 Articles)
Creator of Zak Attacks The World with 7 years broadcasting experience. Opinions are my own and do not reflect anything but empty trolls designed for views. :D

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